Friday, September 21, 2012

Joe Away

Dearest Barnacles,

As we've recently seen, Whomper can be just a tad jealous at times. But he's a good whale, and I'm sure with time he'll warm up to my new best frie... my associate, Joe Crab. Things are sure to go swimmingly from here.

- Scuba


*Disclaimer: Any similarities between the characters in this strip and their real life counterparts is strictly probable and at most highly likely.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

The BF Effect

Been having a terrific time hanging out with Joe Crab; what a great guy.

You know, sometimes life brings unexpected changes, and relationships that once seemed barnacle-glue-strong take a turn for the worse, or simply fade with the passage of time. But I just can't see that happening with me and Joe Crab. I guess what I'm saying is, what could possibly go wrong? And I could be wrong, but I don't think I've ever said that about anything before.

- Scuba

Click to enrage

Monday, February 6, 2012

Shell of a Guy

Epic struggles tend to end depressingly of late, so its with deep depression that I must face yet another epic struggle with my arch nemesis Crabby Crab... apparently. But unlike some other recent epic struggles, I promise you won't be achingly disappointed in the last two minutes of this one. If anything it'll happen in the first two minutes.


Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Reader Mail

Barnacles,

Some of you have suggested that it was Hollywood, from the Diner, that came in and swept Shelly off her figurative feet. This hypothesis is rendered impossible, however, by my infallible ability to judge character. Hollywood is a great guy and we get along swimmingly, as clearly seen in this fan-submitted chalk drawing of me and Hollywood hanging out together and being friends (also pictured, my mortal enemy Crabby Crab, at left.)

(Click to enrage)

So nice try, conspiracy theorists. But I think its time you went back to your delusional, paranoid, and unfounded, 'Google is trying to share my personal information among their various services' protests.

- Scuba Owl

Monday, January 30, 2012

Clamentations

Loyal Barnacles,

You may have noticed that I've preemptively ceased and desisted from playing unlicensed sad music on my blog. This is in response to what I believe to be called the 'SOFA' bill, apparently designed to couch all usage of everything everywhere by anyone. I know the bill has been tabled, for now, but should it pass at any future time I believe the government will be granted jurisdiction to prosecute users of things over all time periods (past, present, future.). So I shall cease to even mention anything remotely music-related for the duration of my blogging endeavors. But while the music may have stopped, my sadness continues, infinitely, as does my melancholia. But I won't back down. I would do ANYthing for love. But I can't make you love me, if you don't, Shelly.

- Scuba


Thursday, January 12, 2012

Reader Mail

Barnacles,

I've managed to forget my lovesickness-induced depression long enough to log... Oh that's right. I remember now. I'm depressed.

- Scubjk,sak,dsk,dxzkk,cxzk,k

Barnacles,

Whomper has propped me up at my computer insisting I need to do something other than listen to sad music and eat lunchable after lunchable. Maybe answering some reader mail will temporarily suppress my malaise/improve my mood. I doubt it, but here goes:

Scuba Owl,
Long time reader, first time reader mail writer. Love the blog. So in your last post you referred to Chicken Poktapus as an 'octopedal obstacle.' I just read an article I thought you might find interesting. It suggests that octopi are not octopedal, as previously though, but rather that two of their tentacles are in fact arms, making them bipedal like us. Here's a link to the link. What are your thoughts on that?
Keep up the great work. Your fan,
Raymond B.
Well the truth is I'm not 'bipedal.' I am a bi-taloned,  feathered, winged, endothermic, vertebrate, and supposedly egg-laying animal with binocular vision and a knack for estimating depth of field.

Secondly, I am familiar with the assertion that octopi are in fact bipedal, but I find said assertion ludicrous. I mean, what's next? I suppose you're going to tell me octopi are intelligent creatures that have jobs, communicate with others, drink coffee and trade on the stock market? I've had an artist draw up a concept of this ridiculous... concept, just so we can all see how ridiculous it is.

(Click to enlarge)

I hope this puts the octopus/doppiopus debate to rest.

Still depressed,
Scuba

Editor's note: Owls are birds, and birds are in fact bipedal.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Hick Up in the Relationship

Blistering Barnacles,

Can you smell it in the air? Smell what, you ask? I'll give you a hint: its all you need, and I'm in it. Its a four letter word but is not on the FCC's radar. That's right, folks, the word is love. And now that I've surmounted the octopedal obstacle known as Chicken Poktapus I can't think of anything that could possibly come between me and my crustaceous lady love, the exotically silent Shelly. Click below to see my hopes and dreams play out exactly as I imagined they would.

- Scuba