Friday, September 21, 2012

Joe Away

Dearest Barnacles,

As we've recently seen, Whomper can be just a tad jealous at times. But he's a good whale, and I'm sure with time he'll warm up to my new best frie... my associate, Joe Crab. Things are sure to go swimmingly from here.

- Scuba


*Disclaimer: Any similarities between the characters in this strip and their real life counterparts is strictly probable and at most highly likely.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

The BF Effect

Been having a terrific time hanging out with Joe Crab; what a great guy.

You know, sometimes life brings unexpected changes, and relationships that once seemed barnacle-glue-strong take a turn for the worse, or simply fade with the passage of time. But I just can't see that happening with me and Joe Crab. I guess what I'm saying is, what could possibly go wrong? And I could be wrong, but I don't think I've ever said that about anything before.

- Scuba

Click to enrage

Monday, February 6, 2012

Shell of a Guy

Epic struggles tend to end depressingly of late, so its with deep depression that I must face yet another epic struggle with my arch nemesis Crabby Crab... apparently. But unlike some other recent epic struggles, I promise you won't be achingly disappointed in the last two minutes of this one. If anything it'll happen in the first two minutes.


Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Reader Mail

Barnacles,

Some of you have suggested that it was Hollywood, from the Diner, that came in and swept Shelly off her figurative feet. This hypothesis is rendered impossible, however, by my infallible ability to judge character. Hollywood is a great guy and we get along swimmingly, as clearly seen in this fan-submitted chalk drawing of me and Hollywood hanging out together and being friends (also pictured, my mortal enemy Crabby Crab, at left.)

(Click to enrage)

So nice try, conspiracy theorists. But I think its time you went back to your delusional, paranoid, and unfounded, 'Google is trying to share my personal information among their various services' protests.

- Scuba Owl

Monday, January 30, 2012

Clamentations

Loyal Barnacles,

You may have noticed that I've preemptively ceased and desisted from playing unlicensed sad music on my blog. This is in response to what I believe to be called the 'SOFA' bill, apparently designed to couch all usage of everything everywhere by anyone. I know the bill has been tabled, for now, but should it pass at any future time I believe the government will be granted jurisdiction to prosecute users of things over all time periods (past, present, future.). So I shall cease to even mention anything remotely music-related for the duration of my blogging endeavors. But while the music may have stopped, my sadness continues, infinitely, as does my melancholia. But I won't back down. I would do ANYthing for love. But I can't make you love me, if you don't, Shelly.

- Scuba


Thursday, January 12, 2012

Reader Mail

Barnacles,

I've managed to forget my lovesickness-induced depression long enough to log... Oh that's right. I remember now. I'm depressed.

- Scubjk,sak,dsk,dxzkk,cxzk,k

Barnacles,

Whomper has propped me up at my computer insisting I need to do something other than listen to sad music and eat lunchable after lunchable. Maybe answering some reader mail will temporarily suppress my malaise/improve my mood. I doubt it, but here goes:

Scuba Owl,
Long time reader, first time reader mail writer. Love the blog. So in your last post you referred to Chicken Poktapus as an 'octopedal obstacle.' I just read an article I thought you might find interesting. It suggests that octopi are not octopedal, as previously though, but rather that two of their tentacles are in fact arms, making them bipedal like us. Here's a link to the link. What are your thoughts on that?
Keep up the great work. Your fan,
Raymond B.
Well the truth is I'm not 'bipedal.' I am a bi-taloned,  feathered, winged, endothermic, vertebrate, and supposedly egg-laying animal with binocular vision and a knack for estimating depth of field.

Secondly, I am familiar with the assertion that octopi are in fact bipedal, but I find said assertion ludicrous. I mean, what's next? I suppose you're going to tell me octopi are intelligent creatures that have jobs, communicate with others, drink coffee and trade on the stock market? I've had an artist draw up a concept of this ridiculous... concept, just so we can all see how ridiculous it is.

(Click to enlarge)

I hope this puts the octopus/doppiopus debate to rest.

Still depressed,
Scuba

Editor's note: Owls are birds, and birds are in fact bipedal.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Hick Up in the Relationship

Blistering Barnacles,

Can you smell it in the air? Smell what, you ask? I'll give you a hint: its all you need, and I'm in it. Its a four letter word but is not on the FCC's radar. That's right, folks, the word is love. And now that I've surmounted the octopedal obstacle known as Chicken Poktapus I can't think of anything that could possibly come between me and my crustaceous lady love, the exotically silent Shelly. Click below to see my hopes and dreams play out exactly as I imagined they would.

- Scuba

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Stockholm Sweet Home

Dearest Barnacles,

Thanks to my unflappable determination and inscrutable wit I have escaped captivity in Chicken Poktapus' deep sea lair and returned to scenic Lakey Lake. Whomper could not be happier if a seagull dropped a french fry in his blowhole. Click below to read more of my harrowing tale.

- Scuba

Chicken Poktapus Saga: Epilogue
(Chicken Poktalepiloctopus)

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Surf and Turf

Dear Friends, Family, Women and Children, Colleagues, Comrades and Joe,

You no doubt missed me achingly over the past couple of months. I experienced a harrowing ordeal, escaping only by means my sharp wit and your suspension of belief. I am happy to be back behind the wheel of this blog and will now read you a statement from my legal team:

"The views expressed in the past few blog posts do not express the views or opinions of Scuba Owl, Scuba Corp. or any Scuba Owlfiliates. Our blog was victimized by a malicious hack two months ago and we are proactively doing everything we can to retroactively protect your privacy, which has most likely gone the way of a helium-inflated balloon released into the air by a two year old child. Please accept our deepest apologies."

So anywhooo, here's what happened.


- Scuba Owl

Monday, July 25, 2011

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Friday, April 15, 2011

... Whooo if by Sea

Dear Barnacles,

I'm writing you from the friendly skies over Lakey Lake. I'm about to make my descent into the sea to investigate an aquatic anomaly. I'm sure all will go swimmingly. What could possibly go wrong? Nothing, that's what.

- Scuba Owl

Monday, April 11, 2011

Whomp if by Land...

Dear Barnacles,

The action is really starting to pick up here in Lakey Lake. Something fishy is going on and I'm about to sniff it out...

Friday, April 8, 2011

Reader Mail + Star Whales

Dear Barnacles,

The next chapter in my riveting adventure is still being worked on and thus will not be posted until next week. But I have received more reader mail (again, names have been changed to protect the idiotic):

Scuba, why do you keep sweating Shelly? She's not real. - "Hasty Harry"

You just don't know her well enough. I assure you, she's one of the most down-to-earth crustaceans I've ever met.

Dear Scuba Owl, don't you realize that Shelly is just a shell with some lips painted on? - "Archie B."

We here at ScubaCorp. do not tolerate the objectification of females. Shelly is more than just a pretty face.

Dude! Shelly is an inanimate object! - "Don Francisco"

Look, if you want to go flailing around like a telenovela that's up to you. Shelly should not be criticized for her more subtle/less animated manner of expressing emotion.

Now, to cleanse your palate of today's below-average reader submissions I'd like to share an oldie but goodie. Recently I received a request for more content relating to certain wars that happened quite a while ago in a neighborhood far, far away. I've also been asked how Whomper and I first met. So let's kill two birds (we need a better saying, people) with one stone:

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Reader Mail

Time for some more reader mail (note: At the request of the several readers, names will now be changed to protect the anonymity and dignity of our readers):

In regards to the last strip, how would a plastic container sink to the bottom of the ocean instead of floating on the surface? As far as I'm concerned, you've lost whatever credibility you may have had. - Some Wiseguy

You are correct; my story is incredible. And before I forget... note to self: apparently that outtake of me poking holes in a container with a screwdriver would have made for riveting theater. Next question:

So Whomper is a beached whale, right? Shouldn't he be dead by now? - Mr. Smartypants

Ummm, I'm guessing you're referring to harmful UV rays? Let me assure you that Whomper's skin is quite the marvel, able to repel the strongest of attacks, as demonstrated in this schematic:


That's all for now. And stay tuned later this week for the next chapter in my epic saga: "Whomp if by Land..."

Monday, April 4, 2011

Silence of the Clam

Dear Barnacles,

Some googley-eyed analytics have revealed that some (or at least one) of you are seeking methods for successfully attracting members of the feminine persuasion. Being the altruist that I am I have decided to share some of my time-tested techniques with you whilst continuing my epic saga. Click and learn, Gents.


Friday, April 1, 2011

Answers and Updates

Hey guys,

This arrow will be accurate
for like three days.
Its me, the drawriter. Gotta be quick (Scuba was TICKED the last time I snuck into his blog.) I apologize for the low quantity of new content published this week. However, you'll be happy to know that we now have a fully functional strips page! See? Its right over there.

This means that from now on when you click a link from this blog it will go directly to the strip in question. What a concept. And of course, you're be able to peruse all Scuba Owl strips in one place without having to tediously scour past blog posts.

See you next week with the exciting next chapter in the Scuba Owl story!