Surf and Turf

Dear Friends, Family, Women and Children, Colleagues, Comrades and Joe,

You no doubt missed me achingly over the past couple of months. I experienced a harrowing ordeal, escaping only by means my sharp wit and your suspension of belief. I am happy to be back behind the wheel of this blog and will now read you a statement from my legal team:

"The views expressed in the past few blog posts do not express the views or opinions of Scuba Owl, Scuba Corp. or any Scuba Owlfiliates. Our blog was victimized by a malicious hack two months ago and we are proactively doing everything we can to retroactively protect your privacy, which has most likely gone the way of a helium-inflated balloon released into the air by a two year old child. Please accept our deepest apologies."

So anywhooo, here's what happened.

- Scuba Owl

Pok pok pok pok pok...

Pok pok po.. Bzzzzzzzzzt!! ...  ..  ...  . ..     .

Pok pok pok pok...

Pok pok pok pok "Pok: Pok Pok Pok."

Pok Pok Pok...

Pok pok pok pok. Pok.

Pok Pok...

Pok,

Pok pok pok pok pok, pok pok pok. Pok pok pok.

- Pok

Pok...

Pok pok pok pok POK pok pok pok:

... Whooo if by Sea

Dear Barnacles,

I'm writing you from the friendly skies over Lakey Lake. I'm about to make my descent into the sea to investigate an aquatic anomaly. I'm sure all will go swimmingly. What could possibly go wrong? Nothing, that's what.

- Scuba Owl

Whomp if by Land...

Dear Barnacles,

The action is really starting to pick up here in Lakey Lake. Something fishy is going on and I'm about to sniff it out...

Reader Mail + Star Whales

Dear Barnacles,

The next chapter in my riveting adventure is still being worked on and thus will not be posted until next week. But I have received more reader mail (again, names have been changed to protect the idiotic):

Scuba, why do you keep sweating Shelly? She's not real. - "Hasty Harry"

You just don't know her well enough. I assure you, she's one of the most down-to-earth crustaceans I've ever met.

Dear Scuba Owl, don't you realize that Shelly is just a shell with some lips painted on? - "Archie B."

We here at ScubaCorp. do not tolerate the objectification of females. Shelly is more than just a pretty face.

Dude! Shelly is an inanimate object! - "Don Francisco"

Look, if you want to go flailing around like a telenovela that's up to you. Shelly should not be criticized for her more subtle/less animated manner of expressing emotion.

Now, to cleanse your palate of today's below-average reader submissions I'd like to share an oldie but goodie. Recently I received a request for more content relating to certain wars that happened quite a while ago in a neighborhood far, far away. I've also been asked how Whomper and I first met. So let's kill two birds (we need a better saying, people) with one stone:

Reader Mail

Time for some more reader mail (note: At the request of the several readers, names will now be changed to protect the anonymity and dignity of our readers):

In regards to the last strip, how would a plastic container sink to the bottom of the ocean instead of floating on the surface? As far as I'm concerned, you've lost whatever credibility you may have had. - Some Wiseguy

You are correct; my story is incredible. And before I forget... note to self: apparently that outtake of me poking holes in a container with a screwdriver would have made for riveting theater. Next question:

So Whomper is a beached whale, right? Shouldn't he be dead by now? - Mr. Smartypants

Ummm, I'm guessing you're referring to harmful UV rays? Let me assure you that Whomper's skin is quite the marvel, able to repel the strongest of attacks, as demonstrated in this schematic:

That's all for now. And stay tuned later this week for the next chapter in my epic saga: "Whomp if by Land..."

Silence of the Clam

Dear Barnacles,

Some googley-eyed analytics have revealed that some (or at least one) of you are seeking methods for successfully attracting members of the feminine persuasion. Being the altruist that I am I have decided to share some of my time-tested techniques with you whilst continuing my epic saga. Click and learn, Gents.

Answers and Updates

Hey guys,

This arrow will be accurate
for like three days.

Its me, the drawriter. Gotta be quick (Scuba was TICKED the last time I snuck into his blog.) I apologize for the low quantity of new content published this week. However, you'll be happy to know that we now have a fully functional strips page! See? Its right over there.

This means that from now on when you click a link from this blog it will go directly to the strip in question. What a concept. And of course, you're be able to peruse all Scuba Owl strips in one place without having to tediously scour past blog posts.

See you next week with the exciting next chapter in the Scuba Owl story!

Reader Mail

Dear Followship,

Last week's reader mail proved to be quite popular and prompted a wave of spirited, if not intelligible inquiries, one of which I will answer today:

First off, I'd just like to congratulate you on defying the odds, not to mention genetics, by responding to the strip within 10 years of its posting.

In regards to your accusations, my legal counsel has instructed me to deliver the following heartfelt response:

The views of Duty Kaboom and/or my mom do not reflect 

the feelings of Scuba Owl Corporation or any of its affiliates.

Besides, some of my best friends are whales.

Kind of odd how you used a post-it note in landscape layout as opposed to the more intuitive portrait.

- Scuba Owl

Editor's note: For us that is portrait. - Whomper.

Duty Tuesday

Dear Barnacles,
The other day I found an an old children's book my mom used to read me, and by that I mean an old book for children, not a book for old children. Said book may not be what most consider 'politically accurate' nowadays. Anywho, this prompted me to dig out some old photos of me and my mom, Tuna Owl.

Watch out for more Duty down the road.

Behind the Scenes

Hey guys, its me, the drawriter or Scuba Owl's adventures. I have to be very brief; Scuba hates it when his world collides with real life.

First of all, we here at Scuba Corp. realize how tedious our strips page is and are hard at work to remedy this. At some point we will bring everything back over to ScubaOwl.com, which is still under renovation.

In regards to the frequency of new strips, it is our desire to get them to you as often as possible, but we also desire a certain level of quality. So they'll go up when they're fully baked. The goal is one or two full strips a week, in addition to (almost) daily updates, images, reader mail, etc.

Lastly, Scuba Owl will always be kid-friendly, so tell your kids and tell your friends. And tell your kids' friends to tell their parents to tell their friends.

Oh no. He's right behind me, isn't he?

New Strip: The Story, Episode 2

Dear Friends,

Yesterday I spoke of a love that could not be contained by the strongest of Tupperware™...

Romancing the Clam

Dear Barnacles,

Approximately once in a lifetime someone comes into your life that makes you weak in the knees, not unlike nausea or rheumatoid arthritis. They make you forget all of your cares and concerns, not unlike alzheimer's or a skiing accident that leaves you with short term memory loss. They make you feel like you're walking on air, not unlike Reebok Pumps™.

For me, dear friends, this person is Shelly. Stay tuned*.

- Scuba Owl

* Translation: The strip was supposed to go up today, but it was deemed to be lacking a certain, what the French call 'Who the heck knows.' Look for it by week's end.

When I First Metroid

As promised I will now share with you a sentimental slice of my formative years.

P.S. - If this makes no sense to you, go here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metroid

assuming there's a wireless signal in your cave.

Reader Mail

Dear Barnacles,

You certainly are an inquisitive bunch. Before I answer some of your tweeted questions let me just say that some people are so incredibly out of touch that they've apparently taken a time machine back to the Cretaceous Period just so they could write an actual 'letter' on a piece of 'paper' and subsequently 'mail' it to me. Get with the times, dude! Regardless, here is the question and my answer:

Click to enlarge >>

Now, on to my preferred, common era method of communication, Twitter:

Did Dennis' transformation into Crabby Crab and subsequent poofing create any ripples in the space/time continuum?
- @MonkeyKate

Dear @MonkeyKate, what kind of question is that? I couldn't possibly answer that without knowing what other potential eventualities may have been bypassed by the poofing, and that's if there even were any alternate eventualities to begin with.

Keep the questions coming folks (and you can comment on these posts as well.)

New strips coming next week: "When I First Metroid" and "The Scuba Owl Story: Episode 2" (not necessarily in that order.)

- Scuba Owl

The Story

Dear Friends,

Several years ago an attempt was made to tell my legendary tale. Sadly this attempt was crippled by the inability of the storytellers to end a story satisfactorily. Now, after much soul searching and foresight an attempt will be made to retell this story with an increased emphasis on avoiding anticlimactic endings. So without further ado, dear barnacles, here I present you the great.. no, that's dumb... uh... here's the 1st strip:

Merchandicey

Since my fan base is literally clawing the walls of this blog for new content I thought I'd appease the masses by letting you know there is no new content today. However, there is a new link on the right nav bar that will allow you to satiate your literally rabid hunger for all things Scuba Owl, such as t-shirts (and more merch to come.)

This arrow will be accurate
for literally one day.

Check back soon for a new strip literally depicting my first foray into video games. Also coming soon is the first strip of the actual Scuba Owl story (Lifetime is literally BEGGING me for the rights, but frankly I don't think Jennie Garth is capable of the gritty realism my story literally demands.)

A Very Special Twitter Follower

Today's post is dedicated to Twitter user @taanyaaaa. Some time ago she became my 50th follower, earning me the prestigious Golden Barnacle Award, seen here:

As if this was not enough, she has also bestowed great gifts upon me, ranging from, and limited to, awesome microbrews and toys from Disney. The words 'thank you' just don't seem to be enough, so I present you, @taanyaaaa, and only you, with this candid photo that can be downloaded by anyone.

Click for larger version >>

My Funny Friend

So my friend Whomper is just hilarious. He likes to make brilliant prank phone calls and... well, just see for yourself.

- Scuba Owl

Welcome Back to Lakey Lake!

While work continues on the long-awaited Scuba Owl novel, "Scuba Owl: Working Title" (working title) I've decided to keep you, dear friends, up to date on current events here in Lakey Lake.

Work also continues on the official Scuba Owl site (the new and improved ScubaOwl.com, coming three months ago,) and in the meantime I will be experimenting (i.e. posting anything, worthwhile or otherwise) with this Blog concept. Think of it as The News meets Stream of Consciousness.

- Scuba Owl


P.S. - Here's a photo of me from my recent Olan Mills shoot.